My liver just broke up with me...
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
