Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
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Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
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Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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