we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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