ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You left your underwear on the fireplace
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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