I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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