Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize