I heard we made out
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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