ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize