He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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