we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
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just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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