sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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