omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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