Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Little spoons don't ask big questions
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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