3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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