Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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