he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
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I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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