Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
home. puking in laundry basket.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
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Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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