Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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