there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Randomize
