remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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