The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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