Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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