Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize