4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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