tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
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So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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