You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Terrible idea I love it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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