im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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