my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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