Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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