a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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