I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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