I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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