I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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