I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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