do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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