I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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