Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize