I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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