She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
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I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
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In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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