theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
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Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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