When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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