Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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