he puts the penis in happiness.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
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So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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