I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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