I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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