i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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