I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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