just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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