my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
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