Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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